You think English is easy???
You may have seen this before, but its too good not to share………….by Dinesh Jain ( Ex Tata Unisys)
You think English is easy???
Read to the end . . a new twist
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object;to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the row of oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let’s face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why , when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’
It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and cleanUP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. I f you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so………it is time to shut UP!
God has always been planning things for me
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Childhood in a village
I spent the first seven years of my life in Teeparru, a small village in Andhra Pradesh, on the banks of the river Godavari. My father Prasad was a lorry driver and my mother Kumari, a house wife. Though they were illiterate, my parents instilled in me and my elder sister (Sirisha) the importance of studying.
January 11, 1993, the fateful day
On the January 11, 1993 when we had the sankranti holidays, my mother took my sister and me to a nearby village for a family function. From there we were to go with our grandmother to our native place. But my grandmother did not come there. As there were no buses that day, my mother took a lift in my father’s friend’s lorry. As there were many people in the lorry, he made me sit next to him, close to the door. It was my fault; I fiddled with the door latch and it opened wide throwing me out. As I fell, my legs got cut by the iron rods protruding from the lorry. Nothing happened to me except scratches on my legs.
First I underwent an operation as my small intestine got twisted. The doctors also bandaged my legs. I was there for a week. When the doctors found that gangrene had developed and it had reached up to my knees, they asked my father to take me to a district hospital. There, the doctors scolded my parents a lot for neglecting the wounds and allowing the gangrene to develop. But what could my ignorant parents do? In no time, both my legs were amputated up to the hips. I remember waking up and asking my mother, where are my legs? I also remember that my mother cried when I asked the question. I was in the hospital for three months.
Life without legs
I don’t think my life changed dramatically after I lost both my legs. Because all at home were doting on me, I was enjoying all the attention rather than pitying myself. I was happy that I got a lot of fruits and biscuits.
Patriotism - What do you think?
This is from my friend Shekhar Nagendra, former colleague at Tata Unisys. I leave it to you to draw conclusions. Here are a few quotes from great men about their thoughts on patriotism. Happy reading!
Patriotism is your conviction that your country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it - George Bernard Shaw
Nationalism is a silly cock crowing on his own dunghill - Richard Aldington
The love of one’s country is a splendid thing. But why should love stop at the border? - Pablo Casals
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism how passionately I hate them! - Albert Einstein
A nation is a society united by a delusion about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbours - William Ralph Inge
Patriotism is a kind of religion; it is the egg from which wars are hatched - Guy de Maupassant
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles - George Jean Nathan
Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons - Bertrand Russell
To me, it seems a dreadful indignity to have a soul controlled by geography - George Santayana
You’ll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race - George Bernard Shaw
The proper means of increasing the love we bear our native country is to reside some time in a foreign one - William Shenstone
Green Gram Dal
This Gravy is one of my all time favourites. I came across this recipe on a cookery show & I was tempted to try it out . It turned out to be very delicious & ever since it has become a regular dish at our home. What I really like about this dish is that it is very simple to make & Green Gram gives a very different flavour to the gravy. You could even use sprouted green gram as a healthier option.
Tastes good with Rotis or Pooris or even Rice.
Preparation Time: 30 mins
Ingredients:
- 2 cups Green Gram/Moong Beans - soaked for 15 mins
- 1 big onion - finely chopped
- 2 tomatoes - chopped
- 2 bell peppers/capsicum - chopped into large chunks
- 1 tsp cumin seeds
- 1 green chilli - slit length wise
- 1 1/2 tsp red chilli powder
- 1/2 tsp Garam masala
- 1 tsp Ginger-Garlic paste (optional)
- Oil
- Salt as per taste
Method:
- Pressure cook Green Gram
- Heat oil in a heavy bottomed pan, add cumin seeds
- Once the seeds splutter, add ginger-garlic paste, green chilli & saute for 30 secs
- Add onions & saute till it turns transparent
- Add tomatoes & saute for another 2 mins
- Add bell peppers alongwith Chilli powder & Garam Masala, Fry till oil separates
- Add cooked green gram & salt, Mix well
- Cook on low flame for 5 - 8 mins
Serve HOT with Rotis/Pooris/Rice .. Enjoi !!!
The Last Lecture…
Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon Computer Science professor, famous for his last lecture series, died on July 25, 2008 from pancreatic cancer. His lectures were both very powerful and inspirational.
The moving and often humorous talks recounted his efforts to achieve such childhood dreams as becoming a professional football player, experiencing zero gravity, and developing Disney World attractions. In the process, he shared his insights on finding the good in other people, working hard to overcome obstacles and living generously.
He also collaborated with Jeffery Zaslow and authored the book, “The Last Lecture.” It is a great read and you must lay your hands on it if you haven’t already. It made me stop and think twice… of the things we take for granted in life!
Translator
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